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3 DEADLY MISTAKES BY LONG-DISTANCE-LOVER.COM
3 DEADLY MISTAKES BY LONG-DISTANCE-LOVER.COM
3 Deadly Mistakes
That Most Guys Make
In Long Distance Relationships
And End Up ALONE
By Besski Livius
3 DEADLY MISTAKES BY LONG-DISTANCE-LOVER.COM
The contents of this book are my opinions and observations, based on my own experience, and should not be taken as anything more than that.
Nothing in this product should be construed as legal or other professional advice. If you need such advice, seek the assistance of an appropriate licensed professional in the relevant field.
The Purchaser or Reader of this publication assumes responsibility for the use of these materials and information. Adherence to all applicable laws and regulations, federal, state, and local, or any other jurisdiction is the sole responsibility of the Purchaser or Reader. In other words, you are solely responsible for the consequences of your use of this material.
Uncopyright All content of this book are in the public domain. I hereby waive all claim of copyright in this work; it may be used or altered in any manner without attribution or notice to me. Attribution, of course, is appreciated.
While you are under no obligation to do so, I would appreciate it if you give me credit for any work of mine that you use, and ideally, link back to the original. If you feel like spreading a copy of this book, you may do so without payment.
Dedication This book is dedicated to all my friends that have encouraged me to follow my passion, motivated me to sit down and start writing, and listened for hours to me talking about relationships. Special Thanks to my girlfriend that I love very much, because she’s adorable, for being my inspiration. (I really hope that she doesn’t read this book)
3 DEADLY MISTAKES BY LONG-DISTANCE-LOVER.COMContents Introduction
Deadly Mistake # 1 Accepting Second Class Behavior
Deadly Mistake # 2 Being Too Predictable
Deadly Mistake # 3 Neediness
Bonus Mistake # 1 Being Too Generous with “I love you’s”......... 32 Bonus Mistake # 2 Promising Eternal Love
What can you do next?
3 DEADLY MISTAKES BY LONG-DISTANCE-LOVER.COMIntroduction In today’s society, men have started losing ground in favor of women. We are not anymore those who provide and protect them. Now women can easily provide for themselves and their security is not at danger anymore.
More and more, men are becoming just sexual and emotional accessories, instead of a Must Have!
That’s why we need to learn how to play the game of emotions, and become good at keeping thewomen we love close to us, to avoid the stress and pain of constant breakups.
Long Distance Relationships are one of those experiences that can help us grow and make us happy, or condemn us to suffering. It’s in our power to choose which option we like the most.
I wrote this short e-book, to give you a small glimpse into all the mistakes that guys like you and me make in their LDR relationships. I took 5 out of all the other mistakes that guys make, and detailed them for you in the pages below.
That’s why I suggest that you read it all carefully, don’t just skim trough it, take it word by word and get the most out of this book.
One last thing If you are not in a long distance relationship, no worries, these mistakes apply also to classic relationships, even though they are presented here in the context of long distance relationships.
If you are a woman reading this book, then I highly suggest that you KEEP AN OPEN MIND, and resist the temptation to judge, before you read the whole book, and before you try to see things from a man’s perspective.
I hope you enjoy the book and get the most out of it! GO!
3 DEADLY MISTAKES BY LONG-DISTANCE-LOVER.COM
Do you respect yourself? …Well, I hope you do, otherwise it’s hard to ask your girlfriend to respect you.
So, assuming that you DO respect yourself, then why would you accept other people, and especially your girlfriend to behave with you with no manners?
Because she’s special? …Because you don’t want to lose her? …Because she’s got the right to disrespect you?
Woooww, I went too hard on you just now. I better stop and explain myself.
It’s so often that I see guys being disrespected by their girlfriends;
disrespected so much that my hair rises, my eyes get bigger and my respiration stops for a full 5 seconds time period.
It makes me crazy when I see this happening; I just want to jump on the guy shake him really well and bring him back to reality.
Why would you accept your girlfriend to behave with you like you’re her little brother?
Why would you let her…rise her voice at you, tell you to shut up, verbally offend you, intentionally hit you; or in general behave with you in any way that you don’t like or approve?
Now I think this is one of the worst mistakes guys make in a relationship, they allow themselves to be treated badly. And they do it either consciously or unconsciously.
Conscious and Unconscious Acceptance When it happens consciously, it’s easy to recognize it, you see your girlfriend telling you that you are “stupid” and you feel bad about it, you don’t like it, but you still don’t stop her right there and tell her “Sweetie, did you just call
3 DEADLY MISTAKES BY LONG-DISTANCE-LOVER.COMme stupid? Listen, I don’t accept anybody calling me stupid or anyhow else, especially hearing that thing from the woman I love most. Okay?” However, it’s not always that guys realize that their girlfriends are disrespecting them. There are situations when their partners disrespect them and they don’t even realize it, thus allowing it to happen again as if that’s something normal.
To give you just a few examples:
- She promises something to you but doesn’t deliver;
- She’s talking with you on Skype, and at the same time she’s talking with 5 other people on facebook, watching a movie or browsing the net;
- She’s lying to you, even about small things;
- She keeps interrupting you when you’re speaking to her;
- She doesn’t pay attention to what you have to say;
- She doesn’t respect and fulfill your requests;
- She ignores your opinion etc.
All of these are examples of a girl disrespecting her boyfriend in a “under the radar way”, which most of the times guys unconsciously accept as something normal or something unimportant, instead of pointing them out and making them stop.
The problem that I have with either consciously or unconsciously accepting bad behavior, is that guys don’t realize that accepting second class behavior from their girlfriends it’s the sure pathway to ruining their relationship in the long run.
Why is that? Well, because when a woman sees that you cannot stand up for yourself, she can’t help but lose attraction for you. She stops looking up to you, and stops seeing you as that masculine man in her life.
3 DEADLY MISTAKES BY LONG-DISTANCE-LOVER.COMWhy women disrespect men?
Now, I am not saying that all the women want to disrespect guys, and they do it all the time (even though there are these kinds of women).
What I am saying here is that sometimes when women get stressed out, angry or pissed off, they(like any other human being) tend to behave in an unacceptable way and they might rise their voice, send you to hell, hit you under the belt etc.
Other times, they do it unintentionally, just because they didn’t know that it might bother or offend you.
And other times they do it just to see what your reaction will be.
And your reaction to these situations is what makes the difference. Women will always try to test men, and see how far they can go, what are they allowed to do in a relationship and what aren’t they allowed doing… And you as a man are the one that has the power to decide. She knows that, and that’s why she’ll keep testing you to see your reactions.
If you allow her to insult you a few times, she’ll take it as permission.
If you allow her to refuse you on something a few times, she’ll know that, it’s not a big deal to tell him NO sometimes, and she’ll stop respecting your requests.
If you allow her to interrupt you when you speak, she’ll take is as permission for the future and won’t let finish you ideas or your arguments, especially during fights.
If you allow her to raise her voice at you and talk to you from a dominant position, she’ll get used to it and take this position any time she does not like something, and you’ll find yourself accepting rude behavior from her more and more often.
3 DEADLY MISTAKES BY LONG-DISTANCE-LOVER.COMWhat happens if we accept second class behavior?
So in specific circumstances, it happens that even some of the most innocent and loving girls tend to disrespect their boyfriends.
But that still doesn’t mean that we men have to accept it. Because if we do,
two this are happening:
1) One is that we encourage them to behave like that in the future.
2) And two, is that we lose their respect; we lose our masculinity and from there on they stop seeing us as real men that can stand up for themselves.
And if your girlfriend starts to lose respect for yourself, she’s not far from losing her attraction for you too. Attraction without respect does not work.
But don’t get me wrong, I am not telling you to behave like a misogynistic dictator with your girlfriend, and forbid her to rise her voice or express her negative emotions, what I am suggesting you though, is to respect yourself and have some boundaries; and let her know about these boundaries.
Note: Having boundaries means, knowing what you like and what you don’t like; knowing what you accept and what you don’t accept from other people.
It’s okay to be a bit angry and let the tension verbally express itself as long as you don’t start calling each other names and using bad words as “figures of speech”.
The problem is that most guys don’t know how to react in these types of situations, and they just accept it; that’s a pity, because by accepting bad behavior they encourage future bad behavior, period!
So when confronted with a situation where their girlfriends disrespect them, most of the guys are confused, they don’t know what to do about it…
3 DEADLY MISTAKES BY LONG-DISTANCE-LOVER.COM…Should they stop them right there and explain them that they don’t accept such behavior, and “risk” having a fight about it?
…Should they ignore the whole situation and risk being perceived as weak?
…Or should they just laugh about it and risk setting the frame that “it’s okay for me to be disrespected”?
As a result most of the time guys chose the latter two options, and it turns out that those are the most harmful ones for the relationship in the long run.
What to Do About It?
Okay, now that you understand what is really going on behind the scenes of “accepting second class behavior”, let’s talk about what you can do about it.
From my experience you have 3 options to choose from: take it as a joke, ignore it, or point it out and stop it right there.
Let’s take them one by one…
So, is it okay to just laugh about something that actually made you feel bad? The answer is Yes, sometimes you don’t have to take things seriously.
As a general rule these are the times when:
- It’s done in the context of some kind of joke(but not too often)
- She’s in a really bad mood, and you want to avoid an argument.
- And lastly when it happens in public.
In these 4 particular situations I don’t really recommend you to get all serious and emphasize your values on her. You can just laugh about it, take it as a
3 DEADLY MISTAKES BY LONG-DISTANCE-LOVER.COMjoke or even better – sometimes even exaggerate it to a point where it really becomes a good joke.
Here’s an example: You’re hanging out with some friends and you’re having an intense conversation about something. During this conversation your girlfriend keeps interrupting you over and over again. Well in this case don’t want to ignore it, and give her permission to continue doing so. You also don’t want to “stop it” by telling her directly that you don’t like that, because you’re being public; so what you want to do is take is as joke and exaggerate it a little bit by saying something like: “look at her, she keeps interrupting me all the time; baby you should consider working for the radio!” and saying it with a smile on your face.
2) Ignoring it What about ignoring a situation where your girlfriend disrespected you?
Should you ever do that? Well, yes. Again in some specific situations the best thing for that exact moment is to ignore the rude behavior.
A few examples of these situations would be:
- When she’s really angry at you because you did something wrong.
In this case you might want to let her “express” herself and not laugh or get upset about it.
These are examples of two situations where there’s no point in taking it personally, because at that moment you really can’t do much to stop it from happening, and truth to be said it doesn’t come from a place of logic and intention, it’s just an emotional response that can be hardly controlled.
What you could do though, is to take the situation into your hands, by changing the subject or doing something else than talking (kissing her, hugging her etc. or if you’re on Skype, just letting her calm down for a few minutes, and then continue the conversation).